I must find myself… so many distractions. God give me the courage!
There is so much hate talk in my head that I just cry out to God for help and he does. Then I just write like I am now. Something has to give. I have had some great breaking points but now unless I find the self I have left behind I will always be lost.
Feeling this pain the last couple of days actually encourages me. I am suffering well to recovery.
Temet Nosce – Know they self.
I sometimes feel really weird for doing this but I just look in the mirror and say I love you over and over again. Or I just smile. That helps. The prison of this self hatred can go on no more. I am becoming a person of service. Reaching out, and that is helping. I think it is part of the journey to getting well.
It has been 38 days now since I was last ‘in the Food.’
This is great but I’m not really counting – though I am. I truly believe this is only the beginning to greater things. And I honestly only want to help others get well. To get out of myself. The voices of hate make me want to just give up sometimes but I refuse to let them rule me anymore. I am righting my wrongs with all my relationships and that is clearing me up. Although, I have been noticing all these deficiencies on my body as of late and it is bringing back the obsessing. I must contstantly turn it back over to God… Turn. Thy will not mine be done.
I need God so bad… So bad. Nothing but love and acceptance can save me.